Will Ferrell

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”

Sam Kinison

“It occurred to me that there wouldn’t be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!”

Dennis Wolfburg

“I told my wife I don’t want to be there at the birth. I don’t see why my evening should be ruined too.”


“I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what it is.”