All these things we do bespeak a terrible anxiety: that our children simply will not be able to make it through life if we do not perform totemic acts to keep them on the path toward self-perfection and keep their lives pure and unfettered by distracting emotion, personality foibles, or less-than-ideal experiences.
I found that when women were able to act in line with their natural inclinations and ambitions — whether to work or stay at home — they were generally happy, and generally felt that their children were happy too. Whereas those whose natural inclinations and ambitions had been thwarted — whether they were working or stay-at-home moms — were sure that they and their kids would be better off if they changed course, and either went to work or went home. The morality of the situation– whether they felt it was good or bad for their chidlren– derived, not from some external sense of the morality of their “choices,” but from the amount of happiness generated by any given arrangement.
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